Help! I’m having all of these feelings after my partner was laid off/retired!

Loss. That’s the first word that comes to mind. We think of grief as this term that means someone close has passed away. Yes, that is grief, but we can experience grief in so many other ways. Grief happens when you have experienced a loss. That can mean a move to a new city, a new house, loss of a friend, job change, lay off, or retirement. If you are experiencing grief, consider finding a counselor near me who can help you navigate this difficult time. We can experience the feelings of grief in so many different areas of our life. Gone are the days (or so it seems) where you start a job, and you spend your entire career at that one company (40 plus years). Nowadays people seem to be changing jobs every 2-5 years. With that, layoffs, and early retirements seem to be more common, and with that more feelings of grief. Long story short, this can be a big change for not only the person involved, but the entire family. You may be going through grief, when the loss happened to your spouse, or your child. So, let’s talk about the normal stages of grief….

Denial

Living life like the loss didn’t happen. It’s great to live life with a positive attitude, and to put a silver lining on things, but this is a big change. It’s ok to be stressed, angry, sad, and confused. Feel the feelings. It’s important not to stuff them.

Anger

Mad at the world. Sure, you can be angry, I mean, after all, I did just say don’t stuff your feelings and to feel the feelings. This is a normal feeling to have, and expected. Don’t try to stuff the anger. Let it out. Just make sure you’re expressing your anger in healthy ways, vent, take up kick boxing, yell into a pillow if you have to. Just because anger is a healthy feeling to have in this situation, doesn’t give you the right to express that anger in unhealthy ways. If you find that you or your loved one is expressing anger in unhealthy ways, counseling may be helpful.

Bargaining

If you change your ways, things will change. Now don’t get me wrong, we all have our “stuff” and it’s great to be introspective and to make positive changes. However, bargaining is a little different. “Maybe if I would have worked harder, then I wouldn’t have gotten laid off” meanwhile you’ve been working 60 hour weeks and made yourself available at all hours of the day and night. Or, “Maybe if I volunteer more, and show the world I’m a good person, then bad things won’t happen to me.” It’s great to volunteer your time, and to do good things, but sometimes things happen in the world to the nicest and greatest people. Bargaining won’t change the loss, and it won’t make the loss go away.

Depression

This can be more than just a sad mood. Maybe you can’t eat, or you’re overeating. You can’t sleep, or you’re sleeping too much. You have no energy/motivation. There are situations that are going to make us feel depressed sometimes. After all, you did just go through a loss and a major life change. However, be careful to not sit in this stage for too long, just like all the other stages. Though this is a healthy part of grief, the hope is to move on with your life. If you find that you are sitting in this stage longer than you would like, or that someone in your life is sitting in it longer than what is fit, counseling may be helpful.

Acceptance

You want to get to this stage! I’ve heard the phrase quite often, “Forgive and forget”. It’s a nice slogan, that makes a lot of people feel better, but I don’t think it’s realistic, or healthy, to think that we will forget. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you are ok with what happened. Layoffs aren’t fun, and sometimes retirement isn’t what we thought it would be! Acceptance means you accept what happened as something that happened in your life. It doesn’t mean you’re ok with it. You accept that it happened, and learn from it. Maybe you learn that the industry that you were in wasn’t for you. Or maybe you learn that you’re bored during retirement and you need to find something fulfilling to fill your day. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we walk around with a ray of sunshine and rainbows. We just accept.

Keep in mind that grief looks different for everyone. Some people go through it quickly. Others are in the depression stage for a long time. All while some go through the stages in a completely different order! The point is, give yourself some grace as you are going through this difficult time. It’s ok to feel feelings. It’s healthy! Lean on your support system. Everyone needs one. That’s why they’re there!

Reach out to one of our therapists at Pineapple Counseling in Flower Mound, TX or Southlake, TX today!