Co-parenting
Co-parenting is hard. I’m not going to pretend that it is an easy process. Nine times out of ten you probably don’t get along with the person you’re co-parenting with. If you did, you might not be co-parenting to begin with. Though this process can seem impossible and downright awful, it doesn’t have to be. It won’t always be perfect. Family is sticky, but when you are co-parenting and you find it harder than most days, remember these three things.
The kids come first
You probably already know this if you are reading this blog, but sometimes it’s easy to forget. In all of our anger, resentment, and anxieties it can feel easier to put our own feelings and comfortability first. If your child wants both parents at their soccer game, but you don’t want to see your ex, let alone sit next to them at a soccer game, remember that your child just wants both of their parents at their sporting event. Ride the wave of uncomfortability at the soccer game and remember that your purpose there is to support your child. Don’t ban your ex, because you don’t like him/her. Your child loves both their parents.
Don’t bad mouth the other parent
Blended families can be confusing for children, as they love both their parents. This can create a sense of pressure for the child to pick sides, even though there isn't a side to pick. It's an impossible choice to make. It's important to remember that your child is 50% of your ex and 50% of you. Bad mouthing the other parent in front of your child can make them feel like something is wrong with them. After all, they are 50% of both their parents. For instance, if you complain about your co-parent's punctuality, your child may internalize this and think you don't like them, since they may share some traits of their other parent.
Showing love and respect towards your co-parent (as best you can) demonstrates to your child how much you love them and are willing to do for them. This is particularly important in blended families, where children are adjusting to new family dynamics.
Let it go
You will probably find that your co-parent parents differently than you, and that’s ok! As long as it isn’t anything serious, learn to “let it go.” I know this feels really really hard, because parenting isn’t easy to begin with, and you are throwing in someone parenting your child differently into the mix. Maybe you have a strict bedtime at 8pm and your co-parent is lax with this. That’s ok. Maybe you believe in organic eating only, and your co-parent is a fast food person. That’s ok. Sure, this is irritating, and makes it harder for you when you get your child, for your time, to reestablish a routine and expectations. However, again, unless it is really serious, learn to “let it go.” Your child having access to both parents that can co-parent respectively, is much more important for them in the long run, than having the exact same routines and expectations at both households. If you and your ex are able to sit down and communicate effectively, then have a talk about keeping things consistent. If it won’t be an effective conversation, then again, unless it’s serious, learn to “let it go.”
My focus the past few weeks has been on families, and I feel like I keep saying this, but it is hard! Cut yourself some slack, and remember you’re doing the best you can do. Remember what Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Just love your children. They’ll remember feeling loved.
If you're looking for counseling or guidance to help you navigate co-parenting, family counseling can be a valuable resource. It may be beneficial to consider seeking help from a professional family therapist who specializes in co-parenting challenges. Both the Flower Mound and Southlake counseling practice offers family counseling services tailored to address co-parenting difficulties. Their experienced therapists can provide you and your co-parent with the necessary support, strategies, and tools to enhance your co-parenting relationship and foster a healthy environment for your children. By engaging in family counseling, you can work together to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and create a cooperative co-parenting dynamic that prioritizes the well-being of your children. Reach out to one of our therapists at Pineapple Counseling in Flower Mound, TX or Southlake, TX today!
